Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
