Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
