i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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