Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize