that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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