If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
