SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
