god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
