You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
