the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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