I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
