Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
