his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
