hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize