his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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