You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
