i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
