Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
