So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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