Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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