she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
