How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
