I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
