I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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