You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
