you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
