Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
