ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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