Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
