I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
