pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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