just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
