my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize