drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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