She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
