Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
