thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
