i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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