I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
