those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
