I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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