Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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