He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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