Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
