Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
