He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
