ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
