Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
