went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
