john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
