i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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