The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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