Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
