I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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