I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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