i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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