Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
