Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i would punch a child for taco bell
i wish my penis had a tongue
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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