i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
