sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
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