We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
