Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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