Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
