I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
