Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
please don't ironically join a cult
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