Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
