I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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